Thursday, September 02, 2004

Pre-Friday potty humor...

Okay, so I am one week in to my naturopathic detox cleanse. I cannot eat wheat, or any gluten based products, sugar, red meat (no prob there), dairy (cheese is 2/3 of my food pyramid, I swear!) or drink coffee, alcohol, etc.. The worst part of the detox was giving up coffee. I had headaches akin to migraines for three days, and now I walk around in a perpetual haze. It's amazing how addicted I was to caffeine.

In conjunction with the diet, I take vitamins, a liver enhancing supplement, and fish oil. Yes, fish oil. This helps clean out all the toxins and is also supposed to make you, well, "regular." Like traditional Chinese medicine, naturopathy and homeopathy tackle constipation as if it were the Darth Vadar of your digestive system. Before any other health issues can be explored, the digestive system must be balanced, lest it negate any changes you make to other aspects of your physical being.

Now, this is fairly straightforward. Nothing humorous in that, unless talking about constipation sends you into fits of giggles, and well, I am afraid I can't help you there.

What is funny to me is the many years we have teased my grandfather for his method of figuring out if we were sick. He would ask the same question of his kids when they complained of a stomachache or headache, and he asked the same of us, his granchildren:

"Have your bowels moved?"

I mean, it didn't matter what the ailment, it was always the same question about our relationship with the toilet.

scenario 1: Little me comes into the house, holding my stomach, crying...
Grandpa: "Have your bowels moved?"

scenario 2: Brother Shawn breaks arm in farming accident and asks Grandpa to drive him to the ER..
Grandpa: pauses..."Looks bad, but could it be that your bowels haven't moved?"

I am not kidding. This was his question and answer to every problem a person could possibly have.

So you can imagine my chagrin and amazement when I sat down at the naturopath's office, and after giving her a list of things I wanted to tackle, the very first question she asked was....



Blogger Terry said...

Funny, that the way she starts her e-mails too (just kidding). If I had to give up coffee I think that would be the end of me. Cigarettes and booze (mostly) almost did it for me but coffee, no way, gotta have it. Good luck!

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DAve Says
This fish oil supplement - is it the same one that the link on your subject of salmon says may have flame retardant in it?
The caffine thing was no sweat. I think. Of course I had to find a night job because I was unable to get up in the mornings. But I am much better now. Very happy to work during my body's natural waking hours.
It is kinda funny - when ever my sister or I had a stomach ache my mother instead of reaching for the chicken soup would feed us barley pilaf which is just barley cooked with chicken stock. Thinking back it was like drano for the colon.
Just thinking about it moves my bowels
Posting from the bathroom

4:48 AM  

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