Friday, September 30, 2005

Let Me Eat Cake

cake Posted by Picasa

I am turning 32 tomorrow, yep 32, 32, 32 so will be taking a break from blogging for a few days. The weekend will bring a change in the weather. I love the crisp air and the smell of the leaves.

For my birthday, Rick is making his famous Potatoes Sato!! I am going to photograph my yummy dish (the potatoes, not Rick - hah) and post it here on Monday.

I am also looking in to Muay Thai boxing lessons. And you thought I was kidding.

More to come.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Smells Fishy

Here's a frightening article on mercury levels in Indiana's lakes and rivers. I remember eating fish from rivers and lakes there and am wondering what sort of damage children are facing, particularly poor children who rely on stream/river/lake caught fish for sustenance.

Mercury vs. Indiana

Indiana is one of the most coal-dependent states in the United States and actually generates approximately 95 percent of the state’s electricity from fossil fuel at its 21 plants. As a result, Indiana’s dirty power plants have helped the state receive very high marks among our nation’s top polluters. In fact, Indiana is ranked among the top-five polluting states in the country.
Why am I not surprised.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Suicide Girls

There's an article floating around about "reverse chauvinism" and how it's cool for women to treat themselves as "meat." I have been searching for it, and am kicking myself for not grabbing the magazine when I saw it in Chapters. Grumble.

It has me thinking about the site, Suicide Girls. For those PG readers, it is a sort of t&a site featuring punk and goth girls/women. The way it's set up, it's supposed to seem more enlightened than your average Hustler. Like somehow, if the guys and gals are tattooed, it's more edgy to be eye candy.

Whatever. If you're flashing your breasts around, you're flashing your breasts around. I don't care, just don't bullshit.

Anyhow, I am interested in what the article has to say about the trend and its impact on young women. If anyone has read it, and wants to discuss, feel free to do so.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Strange dreams and reality tv

I don't know if it's the 5 pots of coffee a day or the impending career decisions I have to make, but my dreams have been all amalgam of fairy tales, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and homelessness.

Last night, I was drifting between two fairy tales - Little Red Riding Hood and Cinderella - although the pack of wolves in the forest and the cottage stand out as the most visual elements.

You may be wondering about Dog the Bounty Hunter. I confess, I love the program. The juxtaposition of moral code and empathy against ruthless pursuit of justice appeals to me. Anyone who knows me personally, knows that I have a very deep sense of justice - coupled with strong opinions of what is right and wrong in social settings.

When I watch the program, I find it as cathartic as throwing glass bottles against a wall. There's a release there I cannot explain.

To add to the general theme of compassionate justice, I also relate to the "characters." They remind me a bit of people I used to run with - tough but loving, bikers, degenerates, etc. A part of me will always be attracted to the crazy life, the wild side, the danger. I don't think of it is a phase so much as a part of my personality. I would likely be better off if it were just a phase. Hah.

Anyway, I wonder what all of these dreams mean, if anything. Wolves (fairy tales), dangerous men (Leland Chapman), fighting. All of these elements point to the hyper-adrenaline mode I have been in.

Now where do I sign up for kickboxing classes?

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Another new poem...

She Wanted to be Charles Bukowski

or the female version,
a busted piece of person –
1/2 metal, 1/2 blood.
She woke up every morning to gin
and eggs,
drank until the bottle was dry
and the apartment
a mess.
She told me that's all there is to it
and sent postcards
telling me about different men,
some large,
some thin.
It was their notoriety she was after.
And then,
she stopped writing all together.

She waited to be Charles Bukowski,
the blunt end of a hammer.
She wanted to choke herself until
pained words
put themselves on paper,
dribbled black on white.
She told me that he's hiding in her,
behind organs,
and demands she go far away
to where the sun
doesn't stop burning –
make a man out of sand
and canyon,
and lay with him until
the longing
kills her.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Long week

I am getting ready to go to my second job interview this week. Wish me luck. These things always make me a nervous wreck.

More to come...

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

More *Good Things*

Last night I came home to find a message from my mom: My baby brother had his first child, Claira Lynn at 5 am, September 13th. Cool. That makes 3 nieces and 1 nephew. Wow. That leaves my sister Rachel and me, of course, as the childless sibs. I am sure we can live with that for awhile.

I also found out that Eclectica has accepted my poem "Caring for Rabbits" for their fall edition, to be published on October 1st.

I will be smiling for a few days.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

On Poets

I actually discovered a poet I REALLY dislike today. Ugh. I never knew a poet could be so arrogant and so not talented, but there it is. Academic poets rarely get my vote and arrogant ones can get a damn grip.

End of rant.

Anyway, I am on the lookout for some new poets to love. Does anyone have any suggestions? My taste is eclectic, generally less academic, more raw.

Some of my favs: Anne Sexton, Edwin Torres, Robert Frost, Ai, Jimmy Santiago Baca, Sandra Cisneros, Nicole Blackman, Christine Hamm, Sapphire, etc...

Any suggestions?

Thursday, September 08, 2005

The sad facts

Saturday, September 03, 2005


I was inspired by Christine's poem. Sometimes only poetry can convey the emotions running rampant.

New Orleans Underwater

"In the darkness it finds me…"
-- Walk Through the Fire, Mary Gauthier

her giant mouth opens and swallows my memory.
rats and birds scatter. the trees roll up in fear.
roofs rip off homes and head to Iowa.
everything is dead here - i walk through the streets
smelling gasoline and shit,
shots and tears float through the air,
slow motion.
we attempt to make sense of it but there is only
horrible consequence.
mother luna,
wanders the streets with us, shamed,
holding a maimed dog in her mossy arms.
she shows me the coat that has turned a putrid green.
she wants me to put my breath into the beast,
but i cannot – i cannot
help but run.

mama luna,
forgive me for what I’ve done
my father is on the roof calling
for his son
where the whirling blackness
claws through the sun
more than anything
we need
mercy to come in like a blinding light,
make us dumb to the
of water
and how
no one comes
except darkness.

Friday, September 02, 2005

The bitch is raging

Angry Black Bitch always brings a little warmth to my heart because she puts it out there, exactly the way it should be told.

I have been raging inadequately over the hurricane disaster...for a better rant, check it out.

Oh say can you see…?

ABB’s Migraine Enhanced Bitchitude on the Fucked Up Mess in the Gulf…

For the love of all that is holy, how the hell does this government fix it’s face to pontificate about rebuilding the Middle East when they can’t even handle a domestic crisis here at home?

Hurricanes happen. Ask anyone living off a fucking ocean in America and they will fucking tell you that. In the post September 11 world (yeah, we liberals can say it too) this nation is supposed to have addressed how to handle a national crisis. Did you motherfuckers fail to account for floods and hurricanes? A bitch is concerned that your asses may not even have a plan…judging from the looks of surprise and confusion, this bitch is questioning whether you even have a brain.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Completely insane...

I find it unbelievably tragic that the US government pretends to fix age-old problems between warring nations, yet cannot seem to stop the implosion of violence and utter turmoil in one US city....

New Orleans Mayor Issues 'Desperate SOS'

About 15,000 to 20,000 people who had taken shelter at the convention center to await buses were growing angry and restless in what appeared to be a potentially explosive situation. In hopes of defusing it, the mayor gave them permission to march across a bridge to the city's unflooded west bank for whatever relief they can find.
The National Guard and volunteer groups should have been stationed there before the storm took hold. I'm certain most of the people still in the city were from poor neighborhoods, and were likely already feeling neglected on some level.

Life is puzzling

I was flipping through my handy "Animal totem" cards last night, looking for something esoteric to explain this summer's generally rotten ongoings. Of course, Elk. Elk card signifies patience and tenacity. Patience is not my strong suit.

This is to say, keep plodding along and something good will come of the work. So that's what I am doing.

There are too many projects I have been putting off, while feeling sorry for myself and looking at the number of days I've been stuck in the city. Maybe if I focus on these projects, I won't notice that the days are sliding into fall and still no sign of a vacation. Hmm. Probably not.

There's nothing like financial strain to keep you grounded, though. I've got that covered. Now just to figure out how to get the hell out of dodge, fix the house issues (it does have issues), find work, get my health straightened out (stress is doing a number on my body) and wrap up some creative things that have been hanging over me.

Elk needs to work its magic.